Registry Nightmares

My husband and I finally finished registering for the shower. Or at least in-store finished. I’m sure there’s still some online tweaking that needs to be done, but for the most part we can cross that nightmare off our to-do list of baby crap.

Seriously, I’m not going to be able to sleep for like a month after spending 2 hours in Babies R Us.

There’s nothing wrong with the store. The store itself is great, their staff was super nice and helpful,

I won't have this Pinterest worthy nursery.

and they gave me this little goody bag of stuff I still haven’t had a chance to look at. They also stock everything under the sun, which totally overwhelmed Husband and me to the point where he was instantly irritated and I wanted to cry.

Who knew there were 3,825 different variations of nipple, or that everything in the world only comes in pink, blue and white. White being the only gender neutral color (which we needed since we have an uncooperative twin), and also the worst color in the world for babies.

All baby stuff should instead come in varying colors of poop brown and spit-up beige.

Then there’s the millions of things to make you feel like you’re a bad parent if you don’t get it. Super cute bedding (which they will poop on), Deluxe changing tables with Serta changing pads (seriously, they don’t nap on it, and it will get poop on it), cribs that are hundreds and hundreds of dollars (which they will chew on), and expensive lush rockers that are of no use to me because none of them were wide enough to accommodate me and two babies in a football hold at the same time.

And that’s the other problem. Nothing is for twins. And it’s all a million dollars and ugly. Which means I need to spend two million dollars and look at two of them. Because let’s face it, Baby doesn’t care what it’s looking at. Stars, animals, bunnies…hell, they can’t even focus for the first few weeks, and by the time they’re old enough to identify the shapes on their mobile, they’ve long outgrown mobiles and are instead focused on princesses or trucks or something. Good thing we get to spend $60 on mobiles. Twice.

I may be entirely too practical and cynical to have babies. Plus I don’t think anything is cute and I committed a major nursery fail, but more on that in a different post.

For now I just have to make do, put up with crazy looking baby shit with animals all over it, and apparently pay a premium for the privilege.  Maybe when this is all over I should start designing baby stuff that doesn’t suck.

Target missed the target

Things get harder when you're pregnant. Like everything. Specifically walking long distances. It sucks. 

Yesterday I met my dad and younger sister at the Christkindle Market in Chicago, which was awesome, and got me home a little early. After doing some work, I suggested to Husband that we knock out registering at Target since we have a little extra time in our evening. Plus the shower is the end of January and December is kind of a shit show with the holidays, so I figured sooner was better than later. 

After stopping at Walgreens and waiting an abnormally long time for a prescription, we went to Target and I began the aggravating process of starting a registry. 

At this point my legs and feet were already hurting from the day and I was wondering why I hadn't worn flats. After completing the registry I stood in line waiting for the scanner and was asked "what I want" by the delightful woman behind the counter. After asking for a registry scanner she informed me they hadn't charged their scanners and the best I could get was 42% charged.

I took it, hunted down husband and found the baby section, which is basically on the other side of the store from customer service, scanned three items and then the scanner died. 

Cussing, I left Husband to look at electronics and began the mile long trek across what had become the biggest store in the world, and got back to the customer service desk. 

"My scanner died."

"Yeah, I told you that was going to happen. The other one isn't charged, so you have to come back." 

"Should I make an appointment?"

"No. You don't need an appointment. Just come back."

"And take the chance I'm going to have a total waste of time again?"

"Yeah."

Really? What a bitch. 

So I left the scanner on the counter and began the long trek back past the infant stuff to find Husband in electronics, muttering and cussing the whole time. When I finally found him I had to explain how our whole trip was a waste of time and we have to come back and register for our little girl and uncooperative BabyB another time. 

Invitations to the shower go out sometime this month and I still agent registered anywhere.

By the time we walked back out to the car I was so pissed and ready to go home, that Target will be lucky if I ever come back. Maybe registering there isn't worth it. Especially if I can only register for three things in a visit. 

Hello and Welcome

My mother thinks I'm funny and told me I should write a book. While most mom's probably think their kids are smart and/or funny, mine apparently underestimates how easy it is to get a book deal.

So what's so damn fascinating about my life? Probably nothing. I'm mid-thirties, married, house job, and pregnant for the first time with twins. Yeah. Twins, there was a hell of a surprise.

Someone asked me after I announced it if it was planned. Because people plan for twins. No. It was just a thing that happened. My husband and I decided that we'd "see what happened" and what happened was that a couple minutes after I went off birth control I was pregnant with twins.

The sisters and a 21 week belly at Thanksgiving.

Mom always said I was an overachiever.

So here I am, 22 weeks and a day pregnant, and getting larger by the day. Husband says my belly button resembles an eye, and he teases me about my need to eat every 2-3 hours like a Hobbit.

In addition to twins, we recently found out that Baby A is a girl. Honestly as long as they're healthy I don't care, but it's really exciting to know what one is.

Baby B, who has been the trouble maker the whole time (moving around and such) was way less compliant during the ultrasound and remains a mystery.

So, true to Mom's wishes  decided to start keeping a journal, and I'm sharing it with the world. So join me here to follow along. Join me in snacking, alcohol withdrawal, that pain in the ass walk from the train to the office, freakish weight gain and rapidly expanding size.

I don't offer any advice because I don't know what the hell I'm doing, but that will at least make things a little more interesting.