Registry Nightmares

My husband and I finally finished registering for the shower. Or at least in-store finished. I’m sure there’s still some online tweaking that needs to be done, but for the most part we can cross that nightmare off our to-do list of baby crap.

Seriously, I’m not going to be able to sleep for like a month after spending 2 hours in Babies R Us.

There’s nothing wrong with the store. The store itself is great, their staff was super nice and helpful,

I won't have this Pinterest worthy nursery.

and they gave me this little goody bag of stuff I still haven’t had a chance to look at. They also stock everything under the sun, which totally overwhelmed Husband and me to the point where he was instantly irritated and I wanted to cry.

Who knew there were 3,825 different variations of nipple, or that everything in the world only comes in pink, blue and white. White being the only gender neutral color (which we needed since we have an uncooperative twin), and also the worst color in the world for babies.

All baby stuff should instead come in varying colors of poop brown and spit-up beige.

Then there’s the millions of things to make you feel like you’re a bad parent if you don’t get it. Super cute bedding (which they will poop on), Deluxe changing tables with Serta changing pads (seriously, they don’t nap on it, and it will get poop on it), cribs that are hundreds and hundreds of dollars (which they will chew on), and expensive lush rockers that are of no use to me because none of them were wide enough to accommodate me and two babies in a football hold at the same time.

And that’s the other problem. Nothing is for twins. And it’s all a million dollars and ugly. Which means I need to spend two million dollars and look at two of them. Because let’s face it, Baby doesn’t care what it’s looking at. Stars, animals, bunnies…hell, they can’t even focus for the first few weeks, and by the time they’re old enough to identify the shapes on their mobile, they’ve long outgrown mobiles and are instead focused on princesses or trucks or something. Good thing we get to spend $60 on mobiles. Twice.

I may be entirely too practical and cynical to have babies. Plus I don’t think anything is cute and I committed a major nursery fail, but more on that in a different post.

For now I just have to make do, put up with crazy looking baby shit with animals all over it, and apparently pay a premium for the privilege.  Maybe when this is all over I should start designing baby stuff that doesn’t suck.